Today is Helen's birthday and I sent her a little message on Facebook, to which she replied and told me how she'd received a mystery chocolate cake delivered to David Mellor! How lovely - it's nice to have chit chat thousands of miles away, across different timezones. I guess that's why Facebook and suchlike are so popular. It makes you feel connected, taps into the deep human requirement of connection.
I met up with Zhixiu and Zhiying this afternoon. We had coffee at Starbucks as Coffee Bean was too crowded, Coffee Connoisseur too upmarket and Yakun Kaya was only a takeaway joint and not a cafe! So we stuck with Starbucks. It was quite nice to have a chat with the pair of them. It's harder work talking to Zhiying these days as she's quite emotionally on the edge after all her problems with having to leave NYC and not being able to find a fulfilling film job and struggling to stop herself from being pushed off the cliff of hope (to work in the film industry and to leave Singapore) ... I feel somewhat guilty about being a bit down and out with her as she's probably thinking I'm being totally unnecessarily pessimistic and I understand from her point of view I'm further from the cliff edge than she is. However I guess to some extent JA was right about how 'suffering' is relative. Still I think it's a good thing to not dwell too much on one's own problems and see it in a bigger context. I hope she finds a way somehow and I too must try to give it a good go this coming year when my work will be on show with the graduates and more likely to be viewed by industry people. Zhixiu is finding it hard to continue with her job at the law firm too as she'd really like to do History, perhaps some kind of course but that means going back to study and having a plan for the end of her studies so she doesn't end up falling back into law again.
We also spoke about being left on the shelf. I guess we don't mind it that much as such - only when lots of friends start getting engaged and married that we feel hmm ... but then we're not sorted in our careers yet, or at least ZY and I aren't so it's hardly the most important things on our minds. We have to support ourselves first after all. The only person you can depend on is yourself. Still, it would be nice to know that you had someone to catch you if you fell. Oh well. Some people can sort their careers out and sort other parts of their lives out but then everyone's journey is different. One simply has to accept that. I wouldn't want to settle for anyone. I don't think I could. It wouldn't last anyway. I'd always be wondering about the perfect one and comparing with Finci and the shared times we had. Maybe it'll become more pressing with time, who knows, and I'll simply settle. Somehow I don't think I will. I hope I don't.
On the way home, I went to the supermarket for some milk and they were playing Abba's "One of Us" in the background. As I stood in the queue to pay, these lyrics caught my attention:
One of us is crying
One of us is lying
In her lonely bed
Staring at the ceiling
Wishing she was somewhere else instead
One of us is lonely
One of us is only
Waiting for a call
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid feeling small
Wishing she had never left at all
I like songs by Abba. My favourite is probably Fernando ...
Can you hear the drums Fernando?
I remember long ago another starry night like this
In the firelight Fernando
You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar
I could hear the distant drums
And sounds of bugle calls were coming from afar
They were closer now Fernando
Every hour every minute seemed to last eternally
I was so afraid Fernando
We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die
And I’m not ashamed to say
The roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry
There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, Fernando
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, fernando
Though we never thought that we could lose
There’s no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, Fernando
Now we’re old and grey Fernando
And since many years I haven’t seen a rifle in your hand
Can you hear the drums Fernando?
Do you still recall the frightful night we crossed the rio grande?
I can see it in your eyes
How proud you were to fight for freedom in this land
There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, Fernando
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, Fernando
Though I never thought that we could lose
There’s no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, Fernando
There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, Fernando
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, fernando
Though I never thought that we could lose
There’s no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, Fernando
Yes, if I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, Fernando.
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