It's just over half an hour before I have to go now. I've just put the last load of laundry in and forgot to put my PJs in the wash before turning it on. Oh well, nevermind!
I've got butterflies in my tummy. I can't decide whether it's because the charsiu buns from Chinatown were dodgy or if it's just stress. I felt very zen-like earlier this afternoon but at the moment I'm trying to make me get over myself. No matter how many times I make this journey I always feel agitated. I guess I am afraid. I feel the pull of my mother, my grandmother - the duty of a daughter to be physically present - and the push of the emptiness that I can't seem to run away from, that I am chained to, like a prisoner's shackles I cannot break free from, that grips me like a strangler's fig winding its way up its victim, slowly but surely taking over. Silently, stealthily. I am afraid of facing my life without Finchie to run to, to hold my hand ... sometimes, just sometimes I can't quite find the strength to motivate myself. That is a weakness. Yet again, I am but human.
And the argument goes round again. Weak? No - human. No, weak! No, human ... no, yes, no ... makes my head spin. Let's just play some music real loud now.
Listening to Oasis at the moment. Steve made a CD for me once with this song in it and it (Stop Crying Your Heart Out) - songs like these - remind me why art is really about life. The lyrics speak the words you could not find. How I wish Finchie was coming with me again.
...
The Sandman:
But he's not. So get over yourself.
Poppy:
"Jewelweed is the founder of nonrealism, the most earthshattering movement in the history of art since the Renaissance. Many wild tales and controversies surround the lady whose icy glint is said to chill blood and freeze geysers. Others insist that she is encased in an aura of perpetual calm. Nothing can be verified as the reclusive and elusive Jewelweed resides in a gothic mansion on a sheer cliff in Transylvannia guarded by gargoyles and swarthy hunks, and declines interviews. - SemiIronic -"
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